If i spend my time now modeling what i admire, and practicing the traits that i respect in people, will i be able to change?

Will i hold on to those traits? Because i see eachday in people both traits i like and dislike.

I think what I'm really asking is can we control the person we become, or was that decided the night we were concieved or in the years before we knew any better?

wow.

its scary when you realize that you are almost going to graduate college and have no image of what the future should look like.

i'm playing this game thats depressing me, and yet i wanna keep playing.

i keep thinking about what a year from now may look like for me, i want to picture it as the game does.

but i can't control it.

and the person who can won't talk to me right now.

I'M EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT THOUGH SO THATS GOOD.

it feels good to type out whats in my head.

and for once it made sense...i think...you tell me.

i'm feeling happy, sad, lonely, scared, excited, bothered, hopeful, and betrayed.

SO i've been back for a week from Sanibel but my parents are still there so i figure its okay to share pictures and it would be odd for me to post anything that happened in the last week...

This week sunday (so far) was better than last week sunday being that i got to go to Parkview (which is much better than the old peoples church i went to on the island) and i don't have to get on a plane in a few hours.

My dad said i have a quick moment, my online time is monitored, only because i'm in a different state and my dad has the car keys, not cause i did anything bad, because i don't do bad things...now that we got that out of the way the reason that i wanted to post is because i was in jamaica last week and i thought the three people who read this might want to see pictures because some of them live very far away from me and i won't be able to show them pictures because they are going to be in a different country for 5 months.

So it was really fun. I taught in a special education class for three days and we took the students to swim with dolphins. And having had a semester of sign class i attempted to teach the students sign language because the three i taught knew very little.

K enough of me babbeling now the good stuff.

K, thats enough for now...now i will ride my bike to the Island Cow for breakfast, good food but i decided i don't like breakfast, i like fries, fries are good and so is cake, big pieces of white cake with brown sugar and orange frosting, yum. If you are ever in florida, anywhere it is worth the drive to Captiva to The Bubble Room...And if you are ever going to Jamaica call me i'm going with you!

I'm sick of trying to pretend i like who i am, i'm ready for it to be real, why does it take so long for some people to grasp these sincere truths of love, for instance that we are truly loved in a way that can't even be matched on earth, why does the tangiable love seem so much better than the satisfying love already there?

A break was good i got to see most all my friends from high school, its amazing to see how some change so much and some really don't change at all. I hope that i've changed because from photos i see the person i was in high school and while i was happy then it scares me to think about my values, and desires then.

It makes me feel strong when i can push away things that i used to rely on. Try it.

Now a picture because i can't seem to have post without it.

     truely happy